Forgiving someone is easier said than done
Many gurus, spiritual teachers and those popular spirituality images on Facebook say you should forgive those you feel have wronged you. They say it’s healthier to forgive than to keep the anger and resentment locked up inside. They say that not forgiving will make you miserable, sad and even sick.
They’re right, of course.
But forgiving someone who’s hurt you is easier said than done.
So how do you forgive?
The Goal of Forgiveness
“Forgiveness is the economy of the heart… forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” ~ Hannah More
The goal of forgiving is always to heal yourself
. It’s not to change someone else or make them feel better. Just because you forgive someone, doesn’t mean you agree with their actions. You should forgive because it’s good for YOU
, and that improved life experience is always the destination of any spiritual path.
In fact, feeling good should always be your top priority
. Why? Because the Law of Attraction states that how you feel is your Point of Attraction so if you want to attract good people, circumstances or events into your life, you need to feel good first. That’s why I (and many others) offer Practical Spirituality Tools: to help you attain that happiness.
Forgiveness prayers are simple but powerful. They’re strong enough to untangle
some of the most stubborn anger, resentment and frustration entanglements between you and others. They work incredibly fast.
Let’s say you’re in a total funk. You feel angry at someone. The anger is so strong you can almost feel steam coming out of your ears. What do you do?
This is something I experienced recently. Since I don’t tolerate feeling this bad for long, I started going over some of the processes I’ve already discussed. I started with The Focus Wheel Process
, moved on to Piece Alignment
and ended with Meditation. Nothing worked. The anger was still there. I was so angry I couldn’t focus or relax enough to do any of these processes right.
Thankfully, I have quite a few processes in my Practical Spirituality Toolbox
, including Forgiveness Prayers — which doesn’t require relaxation or focus. Perfect!
The result was nothing short of a miracle! Within about ten minutes of driving and talking, my favorite way of saying Forgiveness Prayers, my anger almost completely dissipated. A few more minutes of lying quietly and reinforcing the new state of mind closed the deal for me. It’s a lot cheaper than Prozac, and the only side effect is a big happy smile
“Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. “~William Arthur Ward
Forgiveness has to go BOTH ways: from you to them, from them to you. It’s the only way to untangle this vibration
When I was first given the Forgiveness Prayer Process, I didn’t like it. I didn’t get it. It took me six months of resistance until one day it was explained to me in a slightly different way and I got it!
Here’s how to do it:
This process is done without the other person present
. It’s just you. The other person doesn’t need to know nor be there for it to work.
Part 1: Give Forgiveness
Think about the person, people or things towards which you’re feeling anger or resentment.
Now say aloud:
“I forgive you for…A.
“I forgive you for…B.
“I forgive you for…C”
List all the ways you think they did you wrong, start all of them with the words “I forgive you for…”. Keep going until you get everything out. You can even say the same things again and again
if you want. Take your time and tell that person exactly what you’re forgiving them for doing.
have to feel that you forgive them. The prayer will work anyway. In difficult cases you may have to spend 45 minutes just on that part. Don’t try to get it over with. Talk and talk till there’s nothing left to say.
Part 2: Ask for Forgiveness
Giving forgiveness might help you feel a little better already but remember that forgiveness has to go BOTH ways: from you to them, from them to you. It’s the only way to untangle this vibration
. This part is a bit more tricky because we are so conditioned to blame other people
and we are not used to looking at our own behavior and taking responsibility for what we create in our lives. When someone “obviously” did us wrong, how can we possibly be at fault? It may take you a few moments to get started, so start with whatever thought you have access to. Once you get started, you will gather momentum and new realizations and “aha moments” will be revealed, giving you fresh, and often surprising, perspective.
So now, say this:
“Please forgive me for…X.
Please forgive me for…Y.
Please forgive me for…Z.”
List all of the things for which you think you should be forgiven. Start all of them with the words “Please forgive me for…”. Keep going on this one too (30-45 minutes is that it usually takes for this part, if you do it properly). You will find that you have all sorts of reasons to ask for forgiveness that you wouldn’t have thought of previously.
Part 3: Now you can close the circle by saying:
“I forgive you, please forgive me, let’s all forgive ourselves.
“Thank you Divine Light, Thank you Divine Light. Thank you Divine Light”
You can replace “Divine Light” with whatever you want to call a higher power: God, Source Energy, Mother Spirit, whatever. You can even omit this part if you don’t feel comfortable with it.
It Really Works!
The goal of forgiving is always to heal yourself.
Forgiveness Prayers really do work. For example, I had a customer recently who really knew how to push my buttons. I was so furious at him and he just kept going, complaining, moaning and annoying the daylights out of me. This is how my Forgiveness Prayer for him went:
“I forgive you for:
- Annoying me.
- Always complaining.
- Never appreciating our hard work.
- Trying to stir things up with other customers.
- Being manipulative on our forum.
- Trying to get your way forcefully.
- Not having enough resources to figure out ways to use the product just the way it is.
- Always looking at what’s wrong instead of what’s right.
- Thinking that somehow I am the gateway to your happiness.
- Not understanding that you are the creator of your own reality, not me.
- Being in a low level of consciousness.
- Not understanding that you can get anything you want and it has nothing to do with me.”
This went on and on. I could actually feel the tipping point when I started feeling better. It was that palpable.
Then I started asking for forgiveness for my part
“Please forgive me for:
- Not always appreciating your feedback.
- Not always listening and trying to understand what you want.
- Not seeing you through the eyes of source.
- Not acknowledging your contribution to my expansion.
- Blaming you for feeling bad, while actually I am the one who creates my own reality.
- Not acknowledging that I attracted your behavior because of my vibration.
- Not appreciating you just the way you are.
- Shutting you down and being mad when you speak your mind.
- Judging you for being in low consciousness.
- Expecting you to see my big picture and my perspective even if you can’t.
- Not letting you be where you are in your development.
Finally, I added, “I forgive you, please forgive me, let’s all forgive ourselves. Thank you Divine Light, Thank Divine Light. Thank Divine Light”
And that was it! I felt much lighter and so neutral
that I was able to have a pleasant conversation with this customer on our forum — a real miracle! From now on, this person will not be able to get to me as much as he did because I am a lot more neutral about him
. And of course, because I am neutral and not vibrational match to that behavior any longer, he is less likely to behave that way in the first place. That’s how the Law of Attraction works.
Why Do Forgiveness Prayers Work?
What is it about Forgiveness Prayers that work? It almost seems counter-intuitive to list all the things for which you forgive someone. It’s almost as though you’re activating them again. But moving the energy
from you to them and from them to you just untangles
everything. I don’t know why it works, but it does. That’s good enough for me.
Say the prayer aloud
I like to do this while I drive. I find it’s a great way to pass the time and I can keep going without distraction.
In my experience, it only really works when you say the prayer aloud
. Just thinking your prayer doesn’t work as well, it doesn’t move the energy as well. You have to hear yourself saying the words. You can even record yourself on your cell phone saying them if it’s too weird to talk to yourself. I like to do this while I drive or in bed when I am by myself. You can even do one forgiveness prayer after another if you have more to work on. There is no better use of your time than those quiet moments in SoCal gridlock!
If you have someone you’re angry at or hold resentment towards, give this Forgiveness Prayers Process a try; don’t hold that anger locked inside
. Forgive to feel better and to attract good things into your life.
You’ve just added a great tool to your toolbox.